It is very likely that you’ve heard the phrase “self-care” before, but have you ever stopped to consider what this phrase actually means to you? There are lots of ideas out there about what constitutes self-care, but at its core, self-care is about mindfully attending to your needs whether they be physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual. Self-care involves taking intentional steps towards rejuvenating one’s body and spirit, particularly in the midst of taxing circumstances.

Healthy self-care can take many forms. For example, some find more introspective activities like journaling, meditating, or praying helpful. Some find talking to a close friend, religious leader, or therapist helpful as a way of processing what is happening around you. Some find physical activity therapeutic, whether it’s yoga, running, walking, or even dancing. Whatever you choose to do for self-care, it should start with examining what your feelings are and what needs you have around those feelings. Then, choose activities that are enriching to your body and spirit.

Self-care is critically important, especially as you work to support someone who has been through a traumatic experience. Being there for someone who is going through something so difficult can take an emotional toll on us and if we neglect self-care, we can become over-taxed and fatigued by the situation. This can lead to feelings of resentment or even avoidance towards the person we initially set out to help. If you are experiencing any of these feelings, know that they are normal and may be a signal to you that you’re in need of some self-care.

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Trying to support someone through a trauma like sexual assault can sometimes lead us to be hard on ourselves. We may feel like we can’t do things fast or effective enough to help the pain of our loved one go away. We may question what we could have done to prevent this from happening in the first place, and we may blame ourselves for not having done more to protect the person we care about. We may feel unqualified to support them or feel like we lack the right words to say to help them feel cared for and supportive. These feelings of inadequacy and frustration pose a significant threat to embracing something that can help us be better supports for those we love—self-compassion.

Dr. Kristin Neff describes self-compassion as “being warm and understanding toward ourselves when we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate, rather than ignoring our pain or flagellating ourselves with self-criticism.” In other words, self-compassion involves emotionally treating yourself as you would treat a close friend through a difficult time. Dr. Neff continues, “Self-compassionate people recognize that being imperfect, failing, and experiencing life difficulties is inevitable, so they tend to be gentle with themselves when confronted with painful experiences rather than getting angry when life falls short of set ideals.” Self-compassion is the opposite of self-criticism. It challenges our tendency to operate from a place of reflexive judgment and instead prompts us to operate from a place of reflexive benevolence that is directed inward. We’ve all likely had moments where we’ve called ourselves names, scolded ourselves for not meeting our own or someone else’s expectations, or derided ourselves for a perceived inadequacy. Self-compassion is the antidote to that negative self-talk.

More information on self-compassion:

• Self-Compassion – Dr. Kristin Neff
• 20 Uses for Self Compassion
• Why Self-Compassion Trumps Self-Esteem
• 5 Myths of Self Compassion
• [Video] The Space Between Self-Esteem & Self-Compassion
• Self Compassion Infographic

Self compassion techniques:

• Self-Compassion Exercises
• Meditations on Self-Compassion
• 5 Strategies for Self-Compassion
• Overcoming Objections to Self-Compassion